So This Is How The World Will End: by Rick Castro 3/23/2020
Nature is pure instinct. When you’re close to it you can feel it. You are part of it. It is you.
I feel the weather change by the second. The cabin gets cold, my back starts to ache.
The clouds form directly above my quaint little cabin built by my father in 1968.
How impossibly long ago that is, but I remember like it was yesterday.
Auntie Nicky & Uncle Mike liked to explore. Sometime during the late 60’s they bought 40 acres of land in the absolutely remote desert, sorta near El Mirage Lake. They paid practically nothing for this land, at the time, nobody wanted. They were so proud of their acquisition. I remember the entire family driving out on a spring day. A caravan of Ford pick up trucks, some with camper shells.
The only landmark was a tall Joshua tree. It loomed larger, older and badder than the others. A grandfather of trees. Underneath him became our campsite. Sad little tents, and sleeping bags laid out in the back of a pick up. Auntie Nicky described the borders of her property, “to the East the railroad tracks, to the South Sheep Creek Road, to the West, there’s a little rock with a red line on it,
to the North….. We haven’t figured out the North marker.”
My mother Bee was so impressed with her sister discovery, together the next morning they went looking for her. Bee & Nicky found 2 1/2 acres in the foothills. Much greener, beautiful view. This became Bee’s cabin. I call it that because she found it, not my father.
He wasn't interested. In fact he tried to talk Bee out of it. "A waste of money," he said all day long. Bee was admit In an era when men controlled everything, (and AL was 100% control freak) Bee purchased the land. Al did all the labor. He built it from the foundation up, with the help of many uncles and cousins, but for me it was always Bee's.
One time my dad got mad at me, “Bee’s cabin! Bee’s cabin! Why do you always call it Bee’s cabin? I built it! I paid for it!!” I didn’t say anything, but thought to myself, well yah, but Bee found it.
I HAVE IT! I HAVE IT!… I know I have it!…… I have a headache, it won’t go away…
I have a dry cough, it won’t go away… My chest is tight, my heart is racing.. I keep blowing my nose… sometimes blood comes out.
I get lightheaded, dizzy, am I gonna faint?
My hands are red! They’re fucking raw from continuous washing every fuckin 5 minutes!
About 20 minutes later I feel fine…. Maybe it’s just age….
I know you might find this hard to believe, but I’m no spring chicken…..
Look what I found!… I’m so proud of my memory… I can remember the most minute details.. I’ve always had a photographic memory, get it? I’m a photographer.
I’m proud of my photographic memory because both my parents have Alzheimers.
Bee was diagnosed over 15 years ago.. She stable, but doesn't know who I am. AL was diagnosed only two years ago. To me he has dementia, which is much different, but this is what the VA diagnosed. Don’t get me started on the VA. This isn't an indictment against veterans.. My problem is the way Amerikkkan government treats them. What I can say is I’m glad I’m not a veteran.
Oh…. I forgot to tell you what I found… I found the Joshua tree! The one we camped under back in another era when my Auntie Nicky owned 40 acres of land! I think it’s the same one.. It looks old and formerly majestic, so it must be.. I also remember this tire from a semi mack truck. This tire has been here since 1967!… I’ve been around since 1958.
I”m older than this weathered tire.
So this is how the world will end.
copyright 3/2020
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