(tom wearing eaymond's devil paper mache- mask)

raymond & i are still @ the RIO GRANDE LEATHER WEEKEND.
this afternoon MISTRESS AMY hosted a seminar called-TEA SERVICE- MASTERS & SUBS. of course i am very excited. mistress amy asked me to please bring my tea submissive. i have to tell her that sadly i unfortunately do not have one. earlier that morning raymond's friend TOM comes by to visit and ends up hanging out all day, (and night) so i ask him if he will be my TEA BOTTOM. tom says he would be happy to, so at 3:30pm on the dot me & my new tea bottom tom make our way to the TEA SALON. mistress amy goes thru the formal protocol of tea & tea service- do's & don'ts. a first edition of emily post's proper etiquette prominently displayed on her tea table setting. mistress amy's class doesn't really tell me anything i don't already know, but it was fun and she looked great in her victorian tea wear. i also loved her antique tea china.

later that evening i am chatting with a guy named TROLL. he looks like the character- Simon Bamford, from HELLRAISER.
if you don't know what i'm talking about, i've posted a visual-

(simon banford)


i asked him why he's called troll and he responds, "that's what happened when i was on my knees at one of these events."

troll is very good with ropes so we compare bondage images etc. I ask troll where he is from, and much to my chagrin he says TRINIDAD, COLORADO! i ask him if he know's that it's

trol responds, "actually it is sex-change capital of the world. WOW! apparently troll knew Dr. Stanley Biber, (he also informed me he recently passed away) the surgeon responsible for the popularity with sex-change operations, and said there was a running joke with the locals that goes like this-
Dr. Biber, has a graveyard in his backyard. all the tombstones read- DICK.

(the late- dr. stanley biber)

later that evening raymond comes running into our room and announces, "next door they have this fat lady on the bed with a chocolate cake on her stomach and everybody is eating off her." i asked raymond if he took a photo. he says the crowd didn't allowed him to. not to be mean or anything, but there is a disproportionate amount of very large women @ this leather festival. they are all squeezing themselves into corsets. raymond says they look like snow cones.


did you hear about the child throwing ritual in india?

apparently like baptism or first communion, Indian children are subject to various rites-of-passage during their youth.
But unlike those Western traditions, this one could potentially leave a kid a bit worse for the wear.

In a custom believed to enhance children's physical health and stamina, priests in Maharashtra's Jaina town dangled hundreds of local youngsters by the arms and feet before tossing them to a crowd of devotees holding a cloth below,

These high-flying children range in age from two months to four years old, and were subject to the 500-year-old custom during Navratri, a nine-night festival marking both spring and autumn. Though priests are now limited to five feet, children were tossed as far as 40 feet in centuries past.

take a look at this insanity-

um... this bizarre practice reminds me of the scene from andy warhol's bad-



this morning raymond made me the best breakfast i have ever had in my entire life-
an omelet with yellow squash, grown in his garden and two kinds of cheeses, home made red chili and homemade, thick flour tortilla's. raymond is the best cook! i don't understand why he won't marry me? i made the tea. a black indian tea raymond had that i mixed with my own cinnamon, cardamon and clove. his little dog follows us everywhere. raymond grows all his own vegetables & herbs.

we then pack up all our wears and make our way to the kinky weekend events.

we're now @ the RIO GRANDE LEATHER WEEKEND event. we are one of the first to check in.. there seems to be a mix up with the rooms so we were put into the room that some female dom was supposed to have. she then shows up and demands her room back so we move next door to #149.

i'm very pleased will our display. raymond has his art on the back wall display and i have my books, portfolios and antebellum tea on the tables that we cover with a nude fireman table cloth. this belongs to raymond.

this guy comes in and tells me that a friend of his from belgium sent my book- 13 YEARS OF BONDAGE to him as a present awhile ago. he is thrilled to meet me. he is also good friend's with one of the guys from my group photo called- CALIGULA'S HOUSE PARTY- 1989. it's a shot i did at the SF MR. DRUMMER CONTEST of that year. he says his friend who was a leather contestant is now living in vancouver, bc married to a woman who is a lesbian. " well, that's life, " i respond. he then introduces us to his wife, a black woman who is MISTRESS SERENE- MS LEATHER 2010. she is very cool and we all hit it off immediately.
off the bat i sell one of raymond's barnwood pieces. he is very happy. off to a good start.

(i brought my antebellum line of teas)

around 8pm there is a CIGAR & BOOTS party in the courtyard just off our room #149. it's allot of fun. 3 bootblacks and a funny crowd in all different shapes & sizes wear various versions of their fave kinks. i buy cigars for raymond and i. there is nothing like a good cigar! the smell is an aphrodisiac for me, i also love the visual.
raymond wear his paper mache skull-head. he looks great.


it's always a pleasure to see raymond. he looks tired... he's been working hard to get ready for our exhibitions. this one in albq, and two in LA. more about those later.

raymond takes me to lunch at this great place called EL MODELO. it's an amazing throwback to the 1930s new mexico. you order inside at a counter, behind you can view the cavernous kitchen and work area... there are many employees and even more customers. after you get your food- which they wrap in paper like the ol-time butcher-
you can sit outside on picnic tables in a cute lawn area.

i have what i believe to be the best chili relleno burrito i have ever had! i'm not sure why, maybe because it's prepared simply.
i guess it's because the chilies are very fresh and the tortilla are freshly made.
the best thing about Albuquerque and new mexico is these original places. virtually untouched and operated like they were back in the day. you have to live here or know the locals to have privy to places like this.

we then drive up to JEMEZ SPRINGS and i finally start to unwind and get the city outta me.. this area is so beautiful. untouched by the rat race of life... at least on the surface.

there's raymond's property and house.. it looks more beautiful than i remember. he has all purple flowers in the front yard. it looks like the last scene in the color purple.

there's raymond's new cats and a new dog.. they're so cute...

and there are raymond's huskies.. wow.. what beauty... and all of raymond's art... what an absolute treasure.

raymond has the most comfortable bed.. all soft and fluffy pillows.. i hear whimpering.. like a crying baby... wow.. raymond has two new huskie puppies! they are adorable. they look like little pigs.

i fall asleep for what seems like a very long while and then wake up around 2am... it is pitch black.. so black you cannot see shadows.. it is soooo quiet.. the air is so clear. it is so still. i am so relaxed. i am able to reflect.



october 13th- 7pmish

and we're off.. .i'm taking the train once again to visit my favorite artist in new mexico- RAYMOND SANDOVAL.
this time we will be part of the albuquerque leather weekend..
as i mentioned in my last posting, i used to be known as a fetish photographer prior to antebellum. although i lover her, (antebellum) she does suck up all my time & energy, so i rarely take photos for myself anymore, and rarely present my own photography.
well this weekend will be all about me & my BDSM photography.
back to my fetishistic roots!

so now i'm on the train, (there is someone behind me texting non- stop..... loudly... didn't they invent silent texting?!)
albq seems an unlikely place to host a BDSM weekend, but what i have found in my many years as a fetish enthusiast, is that the big cities are played-out. the scene has morphed into something else. for example, whenever i go to JTs stockroom in silverlake, all they care about is when riannna or lady gaga will send in their stylists for their next videos/tours etc. the soul of fetish in the big cities is gone.

it's been my experience that the small cities are where the action is.. these places are still young and the people involved take it as a serious lifestyle, which it is.
the woman sitting next to me wants the window seat, then changes her mind. she has all these bags and won't place them on the overhead bin. her metal-hospital issue cane keep falling and hitting my knee. i ask her what city she lives in.... to get an idea how long i'll be stuck with her. she refuses to tell me....
" lady.. i don't want to date you, nor steal your metal cane. i just want to know how long we'll be in Stockholm Syndrome together."

i make my way to the observation deck, however there's nothing to observe since it's pitch black... so i observe a couple. they seem like a long-term married couple. you know, the type that finish each other's sentences. they are in the midst of a fight... they are drunk.. it is boring. i go to check out the dinner menu.. nothing looks appetizing.. everything is overpriced and looks like it was made by swanson. this really fat kid comes up to me and asks if i'm reading the train schedule. "no, i tell him, it's the dinner menu." he is taller than me, (i'm six feet) and must weight 300lbs. he has tits. he's all of 16. this is what a daily diet of Mc Donald's will do.

there's a cluster of hetero guys debating- sports... "who's your team? my team lost.... your team can't do shit... you need to get UCLA to kick USC's butt." ... what is it with straight guys & their sports? i just don't get it.. i guess i'm hopelessly homosexual.


one group of het's joins another group and the party begins.. they are all from my area- alhambra/montebello. they went to my high school- schurr. i do not mention i also went to schurr. they all have heavy "cholo" accents.
many of the students had heavy cholo accents when i attended schurr, way back in 1976. seems nothing has changed.
one het wants to impress the other hets. " i have a wife in montebello and a mistress in albuquerque," he brags. "that's the way you roll," says the other homie. " i was partying with the octomom the other day." my old lady has a friend in la habra that takes care of her kids, so we partied together."
"dude!" is the universal response. i was thinking the same thing.

we are passing a generic suburban mall. what i think is a full moon, turns out to be the logo of a reclining sofa outlet.

this very old, sweet lady hobbles by and ask if she can read my magazine. "sure," i reply. it is vanity fair.
she doesn't know what to make of it. she gives it back to me in silence. she then makes a bee-line to the het/homie/sports table. specifically to the octomom party dude. "this sounds like an interesting table, " she announces. she joins their conversation bragging about traveling to hollywood for the first time in 1949. I guess i'm too boring for her.

worlds collide on a train.. it's much more social than air travel. remember that hitchcock film- STRANGERS ON A TRAIN?

i move to a vacant seat to give room to the lady with the metal cane. i now have a section all to myself..... i actually fall asleep, but then i'm abruptly waken by not one, but three conductors asking me where i'm headed. "Albuquerque," i reply.
the fat female conductor tells the even fatter male conductor, "he's changed his seat."
" i was only taking a nap, " i feebly respond. this seems to buy me some time as the three of them waddle away.


some girl nearby comes up to me. waking me up she says, "excuse me mister, can i please use your phone? someone just stole my phone so i need to cancel all my credit cards." this doesn't make sense to me. i think she is sleepwalking so i tell her to notify the conductor immediately. she does not.
when a conductor finally does come by, she tells her this bizarre story about how another girl with blonde hair woke her up and said she was the niece of another conductor and she needed to borrow her phone, but not to tell anyone, cause they would both get into trouble.
the confused conductor looks at me, with a look like, what is this bitch talking about... i roll my eyes in silent solidarity...
she then goes on and on about how she wants her phone back.
i move to yet another location.


i go downstairs to use the restroom making my way thru a small crowd ready to depart in some small bumfuck town- i-don't- know- the-name, (oh, the conductor just told me it was williams junction, AZ) . i open the restroom door and surprise! a woman in a wheelchair, ( i guess it was the handicapped restroom) is sitting on the toilet. she gives this look of shock and puts her hands to her face in a silent scream. i am equally shocked and apologize, but then burst into laughter. i'm sorry it is just too funny. the fact that there are all these people around and none of them said the stall was occupied. the fact that she didn't lock the door. the non-reaction from everyone. it was so inappropriate, i just couldn't stop laughing.

she was in a wheelchair. she was wearing some kind of heavy metal t-shirt. she had red lipstick and badly bleach-blond hair. she had her pants down at her ankles. she looked just like francine dancer! if you don't know who that is, i've provided a visual-

(francine dancer)

(francine dancer in action)


i'm now in the observation car, and there is something to observe- the sun coming up from the horizon, behind the beautiful pine trees just @ the outskirts of flagstaff. i remember break down in raymond's truck many years back. what an ordeal.
there is a very large black lady walking towards me.... she looks kinda like jean hill.
if you don't know who that is, i've posted a visual-

(jean hill in desperate living)

she passes me, (mercifully) and sits next to a waifishly thin white lady. she looks like peggy gravel, (aka mink stole) from desperate living. if you don't know who that is, i've posted a visual-

(mink stole as peggy gravel in desperate living)

this is the conversation... i am not making this up-

jean hill-like black lady- good morning.. isn't that beautiful.. the sun coming up in the morning.. i love the mornings. so peaceful. my name is estelle, what is your name?

peggy gravel-like white lady- penny.

jean hill-like black lady- nice to meet you, (she reaches out and forces peggy gravel-like white lady to shake her hand) you have a warm hand.. a warm hand like a warm heart. i always take the train.. i love trains.. they have a bullet train in japan that goes something like 500 miles per hour, i think..... they're working on something like that here in california... they call it the obama train plan. it's supposed to go from LA to las vegas. swartznegger does nothing to help. he doesn't do anything. i've always supported the bullet train.... where are you heading?

peggy gravel-like white lady- windslow, the next stop.

jean hill-like black lady- we grew up near winslow. i'm from a large family.. we had 8 kids.. that's when it was possible to have a large family....

i make my way to the dinning car. as i pass the peggy gravel-like white lady, she looks like she would like to jump out the window.
my mind begins to swim.. i remember that scene in desperate living where jean hill has sex with peggy gravel.
if you don't know what i'm talking about, here is a visual-

(jean hill & peggy gravel in desperate living)


i have breakfast with an elderly couple from san diego and a nice older black lady from clovis, ca. the elderly couple say they have a sleep car and they do not recommend it.. they felt like sardines in a can. "never again," they say.
the four of us have a polite conversation and a nice breakfast. the guy @ the table in front of us is missing all his front teeth. he doesn't seem to mind, but i do. it's very unappetizing.
i'm starting to think that our table is the only "normal" table on this train.

as i make my way back to the observation car the jean hill-like black lady is now chatting with the girl who said her phone was stolen.
there is a nerdy boy with a bad prince valiant hairdo doing his home-schooled homework. he's wearing a teal- blue polyester shirt with a black polyester vest.. WTF? his mother joins him. she his wearing a matching teal-blue polyester dress with a black polyester apron and a mesh bonnet?! oh, they're amish.. ok, now i get it. they are later joined by.... the father?... he is wearing the same teal-blue polyester shirt & black polyester vest. he has a ridiculous long curly beard, and the same bad prince valiant hair-do, but the sides are curling out like a flip.. sorta like marlo thomas from - THAT GIRL. does anyone remember that tv series from the 60s? if not i have provided a visual-

at the table next to me a large black guy wearing a white t-shirt is with two normal size black girls wearing hoodies. he is on the phone with his credit card company, "hello. yes good morning, i am on an amtrak train and i just had breakfast in the dining car. the meal total was $28.50, but the waiter made a mistake and charged me $280.50. can you please refund my money?"



i'm now sitting in another area.. as i walked by the cholo/sports guys they make a snide comment, "shiny shiny" in reference to my black nylon windbreaker.

the 16 year old fat boy with tits walks by. he is now wearing t-shirt with a full length image of al pacino from the movie- scarface. i've never seen al pacino so stretched out.

ohmygod, the jean hill- like black lady just sat down next to the girl on my left side.

jean hill- like black lady- can i tell you something funny. i used to have paper dolls and they were all cut up. they were so pretty. they kinda looked like you. ...hi my name is estelle what's yours?

startled cute black girl student- Jeannine.

jean hill- like black lady- hi nice to meet you . you're so pretty.

startled cute black student- thank you.

jean hill- like black girl lady- you're so pretty. i loved my paper dolls... what are you studying?

startled cute black girl student- biology.. i'm in my 2nd semester.

jean hill- like black lady- i used to study biology.. . you're so pretty.... well nice to meet you.

she leaves.

she's back-

jean hill- like black lady- this is who i when to go visit in san bernardino...
my daughter, my niece. (she shows her a photo on her cell phone).

startled cute black girl student- oh... how nice.

jean hill- like black lady- where do you get your hair done? you straighten it, yes? cuz it looks sooo good.

startled cute black girl student- oh... this place over at.....

jean hill- like black lady- i perm mine.... she's over in main st... can you give me her name? the lady that does your hair?

startled cute black girl student- oh yeah, she's.....

jean hill- like black lady- here write it down, cuz i'll forget... i need to relax mine... when you go outside it looks like buckwheat... not that mine looks like buckwheat, but you know what i'm saying....

she leaves.


the conductor is vacuuming the isle.. i find this cute and funny.. i'm not sure why.. i guess i'm bored. usually on these train trips i have time to step away from my life and reflect, but this time, so far i'm not feeling it.
so i'm reflecting on my not reflecting.


the sorta cute guy next to me is on his cell phone. this is his conversation- "hey, hi.. yah thanks for thinking of me. i would like to meet you in denver, but the train doesn't go thru denver. it's goes thru trinidad, colorado."

FYI- trinidad, colorado is sex change capital of america. check it out here-

the conductor walks down the isle again- hoovering, (that's slang for vacuuming).
i finally return to my original seat. the woman with the metal cane gives me a grimace. i guess she missed me??

and then guess what?! the jean hill-like black woman is seated right behind me!

and she immediately goes chatting at her neighbor.

jean hill-like black woman- oh hi!... yah... how are you?...

latin guy that doesn't speak much english- oh hello.

jean hill-like black woman- yah... i've been walking around meeting and greeting losta people.. some aliens.. yah.. i did my makeup & hair.... do you like it?

latin guy that doesn't speak much english- um, yes...

jean hill-like black woman-... it get curly... that's why we have afros.. where do you live? adonde viva?

latin guy that doesn't speak much english- stockton, california.

jean hill-like black woman- in stockton, ca?! wow.. i've been to santa rosa... i like it..... here's some photos of my family.... mi familia.. mi ninos y ninas and granddaughter. que linda, yes?

latin guy that doesn't speak much english- si, si.

the train has stopped. i get in the line to get off.. the jean hill- like black woman is behind me. she is listening to her walkman.

i walking into the sunlight of downtown Albuquerque.... and there is raymond to greet me!... and we fall into each others arms and embrace followed by a passional kiss...... just kidding.