RICK CASTRO: DIARY- 4/1/2020

So This Is How The World Will End: by Rick Castro 3/31/2020

I ventured out of my sanctuary known as Bee’s cabin today.

I had to find a cobbler. Sorry, but Rick Owens boots don’t cut it in the high desert. They were made for show, not for harsh elements of dry terrain. I’ve been wearing me old engineer boots and old Durango boots from 80s. I only brought one pair of slippers, otherwise 
I’m clomping around in boots everyday. So me slippers fell apart . They’re very old black pony hair… Ok I admit it,, yes, they’re pony hair, but I got them in the late 70s, I wasn’t enlighten at that time. Give me a break PETA, I’ve had them longer than you’ve been around. We can all be as perfect as you. Look I still wear leather and I still eat chickie & fishie, so I’m an imperfect human being. I’m not gonna throw away these slippers, so, since I have had them for over 40 years I’m gonna repair them. 

And here I go, off to the nearest town that isn’t one block long. I’m on my way to Hesperia, have you ever heard of it? My friend Matthew Steele says it’s an ancient Roman name for the Iberian peninsula. He knows everything! The more obscure the better.  
Once I sent him an evite, mistakenly using a date that already was over. He responded with, “Oh, just like Gogol’s character in Diary of  Madman.” I looked it up…. he compared me to Aksenty Ivanovich Poprishchin; an underachieving low ranking civil servant, who goes mad because nobody will have sex with him! Thank you Matthew Steele.

I must tell you I am very depressed and high strung today... This is not a good day for me.  Last night, I read the numbers of infection in my little area of San Bernardino County and it was sobering. The plague really is everywhere. 
No area, no matter how remote escapes. 

So reluctantly I am driving into Hesperia. I’m on the only highway, (two lanes) and I’m shocked as to how crowded it is. On a Tuesday morning? Didn’t they get the memo about staying home? People are driving fast. They have no patience for a nervous-nelly like me. Go ahead and pass me dudes.. What’s your hurry? Are you going to a funeral? Yah- YOURS! They are actually tailgating? Who the fuck do they think they are?  Oh how cute, a yard with goats… one of them is taking a dump. 

Oh wow! Lizo is running for judge! Snap!, that will really put Hespira on the map!

Oh look, Hesperia has an ALDI. I love ALDI.. Do you know about it? The German version of Trader Joe’s . ALDI actually acquired Trader Joe’s in 1979. I hate Trader Joes.. Let me clarify. I don’t hate Trader Joe the person, nor trader Joe’s the employees, or the products. I’m in the unique position of liking the product, but hating the customer. They are a specific type. They think shopping is an art form. They go out of their way to clog the isles in search of the latest, Vegan, Lactose intolerable, sustainable, gluten free ICE CREAM. Here’s the solution. Don’t eat Ice Cream. Driving past Walmart, I hate Walmart.. dumbo.. corporate consumerism at it’s worst. Hesperia is a pit. 

I’m sorry if any Hesperians are reading.. Actually my Auntie Gloria lived here for many years, so sorry Auntie Gloria, Hesperia is a pit!

Why are people tailgating?.. I thought that ended in the 90s with all those PSAs.. 

I thought the thing to worry about in the 21st century is texting and driving… and of course everything dire is preempted by the plague.

Awww a pizzeria called Valentino’s  in a Victorian home.. If I wasn’t so afraid of people I’d go in.. I wonder if its good? 
Oh look right next door is Black Anchor Tattoo Parlor.  How convenient. Pizza & tats. Also in a victorian home, but faux. Ok, I’m looking for Boot Hill Cobblers. OK I found it.. its great.!. totally old school. Oh fuck it’s closed… as in outta business. They used pressed sawdust panels to board up the windows & door. I tried to call ahead and the website said, “Due to the corona virus, business hours may fluctuate. “ 

Now what am I gonna do?…  OK, I found another place, Cobbler Express on Bear Valley Road.  Eight minutes away. ..humm turn left on Balsam Road.. Ok is that Balsam? Did I pass it?… DUDE, stop tailgating me! Who the fuck do you think you are….. 

I found it.. more contemporary than Boot Hill, in that its open and not out of business. That worked out well. The guy said me slippers would be ready tomorrow. but he’s closing early- 1pm.. That’s def early. No business.. I understand.

 Now I’m making my way back to Main Street.. ANOTHER TAILGATER.. I pull over for her, (this time it’s a girl). Even thought I haven’t seen any of the drivers, I can tell the different between a male tailgater and a female tailgater. This one is female. She is politely tailgating. Wait a minute why are there so many trampolines in  the front yards of Hesperia? Is Trampolining the chosen city sport?
There is a dog in a yard chasing me.. of course it’s a Pit bull, but how dumb do you have to be to chase a car when your in a yard? I mean do you, or do you know anyone who owns a dog that would chase a car when it’s in a yard? .. I’m obsessing.. to me this means the person who resides at this homestead is so dumb, they own a dog so dumb, that chases cars while in a yard… There has to be a connection.

Oh fuck… all this time i’ve been driving with my parking brake on… well … I’m stressed out. ... Now what was I saying?.... 
Oh yah, people are so dumbo!

First I try Lee’s Military Surplus. From past experience surplus shops have everything. 

One customer is telling the proprietor about his wife’s flu! “she has this cough that  just won’t go away. She has a fever and headache, it’s been going on for a while now. I don’t know what to do!”  I was gonna tell him it’s wasn’t the flu, but somehow the three of us knew, he knew.

“Excuse me, I say much later, do you have batteries for this flashlight? “ No, says the proprietor, you have to get those at a hardware store.” Oh, ok, I respond, do you have anything to get rid of flies?”. “No, you can pick up that at a hardware store.” ‘Well do you have any super glue?” “ All that’s available at the hardware store.” “How about these flashlights here, I try once more, do you have batteries for any of these?”
“again all of that will be at the hardware store.” “ wow, I respond, you don’t have much of anything.” “We only carry military and army surplus.” Since I’m not going to be dressing The Village People, I leave. Directly across the street I find a hardware store. 
This seems like something  the surplus proprietor could’ve mentioned?

Across the street I find the endearing Stone Hardware.  Everything  seems to be prices at $2.99. I got a flashlight scissor, flystrip, 
fly swatter, ( to alleviate my Amityville Horror) and superglue, each for $2.99! The proprietor was a sweet little lady, (Mrs. Stone?) who had an antidote for every question I ask. “do you have any flashlights?” “only to see the way dear,” she amusingly responds. 

Wow! I found gas for $2.59 a gallon!… I haven’t bought gas for that price since the turn of the century! 

Now going back on Main Street in Hesperia, in the low desert of Southern California, headed back to Bee’s cabin and the safety and comfort of my sanctuary. Why the fuck are you tailgating me again?! What the fuck is wrong with you mutha fuckers! WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE QUEEN!, (and I use that term loosely) why in such a small town is everybody driving so fast! why is everyone so impotent, I mean impatient… why are you all out on the streets… WTF!! why are those women all walking so close together, don’t they know there’s a fucking plague?!!!! who the fuck runs this town how can they even gertawaywiththis shithwhogovernsthisdump whats supposedto begoingon?whydoesn’tanyonelistentomei haveimportant thingsto saywhohas thefucking authoritytotstopallthistomfoolerywhenwillitallbeoverhowamigonnapaymyerentwhenwillthisallendl&beeagainidontwannagobacktolahowdoigetridofthesegoddamnmuthafuckinFLIES!@!Y(@*$TOGGRUGO#IGROIGROIH@F#GIFVOI@HEIG#VDLIQHO@I#G:DOI$@G)*TF@(#OUGFOIW$HFO 

So this is how the world will end.

rick castro-copyright 4/2020

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