ANTEBELLUM BLOG: plague mass

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7/28/20

RICK CASTRO: DIARY- 7/27/2020

So This Is How The World Will End: by Rick Castro 7/27/2020

When you're in pain there's a beauty to stillness.

Every little movement is grand. All energy is required. There’s something luring in having small movement, being in the same setting for a long period. The world becomes smaller, the radius becomes less, the place of establishment takes on the reminiscent of Polanski’s, The Tenet .

There becomes a familiarity with limited surroundings; which become comfort, which is now the norm. Now all visualization is enhanced. Every heirloom and bric-a-brac has a memory, a history, a story within its place in the room. It is all so beautiful to observe. For a while…. For a very long time. There is no boredom in pain. It keeps you on your toes.

Like each drag from each cigar it is enjoyment….… and you want it to last.

The only way to escape pain is to embrace it. You have to go deep… deeper than the pain will take you into some very interesting places. Areas as to which you will find you have no way out, but that can be fun.

I want to make clear I am not a masochist.

I very much know the difference between wanted and unwanted pain. They are not the same. Pain as a feeling is just that painful. There is no romance to it. The exploration is where the enlightenment begins. To accept, to find ways around it, to enhance. The ability to stay in the same chair for a day, yet continue to see different things, in new ways. Sometimes as something you’ve seen for the first time. That's when the beauty comes in.

And then there's the surge of energy!

To rearrange things, to remove dust and spruce things up a little. And you become a maniac with renewed energy doing multitasking. All at once you’ve become ambidextrous for a short amount of time, but then you can admire your work, be proud of your achievements. Now you can sit back in the family armchair where you’ve been sitting since…. Who can remember when….… And look at what you’ve accomplished!

Nothing has been changed. It is all, and will always be PERFECT.

So this is how the world will end.

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7/20/20

RICK'S DIARY- 7/20/2020-

So This Is How The World Will End: by Rick Castro 7/20/2020

I’m not gonna beat around the bush…. Amerikkka is in full revolution.

It may not be the revolution one invokes like the civil war, but we are now in the depths of the beginning of revolution. Your life will never be the same. You will not have access to all the comforts from just one year ago. There will never be a stop to civil unrest.

There will never be a stop to fascist police state. There will never be a stop to a 21st century dictator that is sooo plastic, corrupt, ruthless, banal and rotten to the core.

Elections will not help you. Congress will not help you. Local governments that disguise themselves as “liberal," will not help you.

You are on your own.

YOU decide to wear or not wear a mask. You decide if you’ll accept a police state. You decide if you’re ok with billionaires calling all the shots and holding all the wealth while you beg for stimulus.

Do you have a good memory?

Think about all the changes in the last 3 1/2 years. Has the quality of your life improved during Trumpworld? Do you have better confidences and admiration for your fellow citizens? Are you happier?

Complacency is over. The non-reactive will be bulldozed over and they won’t even know it. They’ll be like, “as long as I have the newest iPhone and APPS I’m good.” Meanwhile their soul no longer belongs to them. They’ve gladly given it away to an Orwellian force in Amerikkka. Mass consumerism solves all depression and feeling of inadequacy. Look how much it’s helped Kanye West.

Today is my 62nd birthday…

I’m back in LA recovering from prostate enlargement surgery. Ironically the same age my father had his same surgery thirty-seven years ago. 1983 was a very different era. His insurance covered everything including a hospital stay and nurses. I remember going to visit him when he had a tube in his dick, the way I have today. I remember he was in pain and complained about it over and over, like I am today.

I remember he was not happy to see me because I brought him sunflowers. He was so taken aback by this gesture. He didn’t say anything but simply glared at me. What kind of man would bring another man flowers, would be the thought going thru his brick head. Yes, someone can be that thick to think that flowers from your son in hospital is “too gay.”

I’m not recovering in a hospital, my 21st century insurance only covers outpatient with local anesthesia. I’m sooooo uncomfortable and grumpy. I AM IN SO MUCH FUCKIN PAIN! I have a fuckin tube in my dick for my 62nd birthday. I am not in a good mood.

So this is how the world will end.