So This Is How The World Will End: by Rick Castro 4/15/2020
Self-Isolation has turned me into a sadist… rephrasing…. even more of a sadist. There’s no one to take anything out on so I’ve been taking it out on FLIES! They are my newest victims and I relish in their demise. If you remember, (I know my readers are loyal so they will) the second there was a warm day here at Bee’s cabin, I had what can only be described as an Amityville Horror fly infestation.
They were out in droves, intense, very loud, like a swarm of teeny-weeny helicopters. I got rid of the first round, but now that it’s warm everyday, I’m battling, a losing battle, on an hourly basis. I have become a Lord of the Flies. So this my obsession, has become my fixation. First thing I did was bug bomb Bee’s cabin which was a mistake. I didn’t stay away long enough, so ruined my thyroid and liver for the rest of my short life.
Then I purchased those fly strips. The ones you see at horse stables with all the fly carcasses stuck to them. Then I got really clever,
I made my own spray bottles with combo of vinegar, lemon, and a tad of bleach… to burn those mutha fuckas hundred of thousands of ommatidia, (fly eyes) out! Today I went one step further by creating little plastic tubs filled with apple cider vinegar… This is really special.
I must point out I have no idea how these flies are getting in here? I have no windows open, it’s not warm enough yet. I shut the door as quickly as possible when I exit or enter. I’m thinking their must be small holes in Bee’s cabin… it is old.
Either that or they are nests in the walls… yecch!
Here’s how it goes down, the loud buzzsaw flies appear outta nowhere, and make a bee-line for the front window, the largest window.
I then stalk them with my spray bottle. This is a challenge, they move fast. Sometimes they fly into the restroom, then I have them cornered in a small space… other times they zoom into Al & Bee’s brightly colored bedroom, (they think all the garish colors are rotting fruit) I follow them and slam the door behind me. They are now at my mercy…… I patiently wait for them to approach the picture window, I then zap them with spray… this weakens them, but they’re still hovering about. I then give them a few more zaps, thoroughly drenching them. This uses allot of vinegar, lemon, bleach mixture. If they haven’t already drowned, I then scoop them up in one of thousands of Bee’s hand~quilted doilies. They think they are in the safety of a hideous 1970s, rose petal, but they are not! I either dump them into the pool of apple cider vinegar where I can watch them helplessly try to swim and make a futile attempt to climb out… ever so slowly their little lungs fill with apple cider vinegar, and they burn from the inside out….
Am I scaring you?… Should I go on? Ok, I will, other times, ( this has become my favorite) after being doused with me spray, they’re befuddled and wander aimlessly on the windowsill. I lure them to Bee’s fluorescent colored doily and then gently place them on one of the many hanging fly strips. Now they are stuck in a sticky mess, while choking on vinegar fumes. Their buzzing gets very loud, angry and desperate… like that scene in the classic horror film with Vincent Price, The Fly: “Help me! Help me!”, I can hear them saying in my deranged mind.
Should I post photos? Are you sure you can handle it? They are gross… even I agree, but I’ve become accustom to it… the same way as people we’ve come to accept the most extreme, bizarre daily rituals as the new normal. Of this we are all forced to endure, is our future.
Are you worried about my sanity alone here in the high desert? Do you think I’m having a break with reality? Isolation brings out good, and bad things in people. Be glad I’m not inhabiting with someone else!… During this process I’ve become more and more engrossed in the many ways I can make flies perish…. The fact that I have a slight woody isn’t a problem… not really.
So this is how the world will end.
copyright-rick castro- 4/2020
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