THE END OF 2017: A DIARY BY RICK CASTRO- PART6

12.24.2017- EVENING

WOW- DID I EVER FUCK UP! 

FOR SOME REASON I THOUGHT 7:00 MENT PM NOT AM ON MY RETURN TICKET.. 

WELL GUESS WHO SHOWED UP AT MARCO POLO AIRPORT AT 7PM? DUNCEY ME.. WHAT A DILEMMA.. I’M WAY TOO OLD TO NAVIGATE THIS KIND OF STRESS.. 
THE BRITISH AIRWAYS CLERK GIVES ME A LOOK LIKE- YOU  FOOL.. 

THE AIRPORT IS ACTUALLY CLOSING AND WILL NOT OPEN AGAIN UNTIL DECEMBER 26TH. ITS XMAS EVE IN VENEZIA,  I’M AT A SMALL AIRPORT IN A PREDOMINANTLY CATHOLIC COUNTRY. I HATE XMAS.
 SO I HOP BACK ON THE WATERBUS AND BOOK A TRAIN TICKET BACK TO BRESCIA TO BE WITH LUPIN, HIS BOYFRIEND NICOLA, HIS GIRLFRIEND IDA, BOYFRIEND FROM AUSTIN TEXAS, DOUGLAS, AND HIS FAMILIA.

THIS KID GETS AROUND FOR SOMEONE IN A SMALL TOWN IN ITALY.

AFTER AN ALL DAY ORDEAL WITH TRAVEL NIGHTMARES I’M ON THE TRAIN.. 

I NEED TO CHILL OUT.

FINALLY GET INTO THE BRESCIA TRAIN STATION, I AM DISORIENTED.

CHIARA IMMEDIATELY WENT ONLINE AND BOOKED ME A  ROOM AT HOTEL TRENTO- 40EUROS PER NITE! I FINALLY ARRIVE AND I LOVE IT.

HOTEL TRENTO IS LIKE A COMMUNIST VERSION OF TWIN PEAKS. 
THE CONCIERGE IS ALSO THE MANAGER, AND I’M SURE THE OWNER.
HE SHOWS ME TO MY ROOM- BLEAK, BUT COMFY. 
I'M ACTUALLY GIVEN A KEY WITH A BRASS KNOB KEY RING! 
NO KEYCARD. VERY OLD SCHOOL.
ITS GREAT!

IT’S XMAS EVE AND I HATE XMAS. SO WHAT SHOULD I DO?

I WATCH A PIRATED SCREENING OF CALL ME BY YOUR NAME. 

 A PERFECT WAY TO SPEND XMAS EVE. ALONE IN BRESCIA WATCHING THIS FILM, BAWLING MY EYES OUT.   I WILL MAKE NOTE SINCE I'VE BEEN IN ITALY, I HAVE CRIED AT LEAST 4 TIMES. ALWAYS OUT OF HAPPINESS. 

IN LOS ANGELES I CRY EVERY FEW WEEKS OUT OF FRUSTRATION & SADNESS.

AS A SIDE NOTE- I WOULD LIKE TO TELL MY DEAR READERS BRESCIA IS 20 MINUTES NORTH OF CREMA- WHERE THEY FILMED CALL ME BY YOUR NAME.

12.25.2017

XMAS DAY- I SLEEP IN LATE TO RECOVER FROM MY TRAVEL ORDEAL YESTERDAY.
I DECIDE TO WALK BACK UP TO THE VIA DEL CASTELLO. THERE ARE MORE PEOPLE WALKING ABOUT THIS TIME. PERHAPS BECAUSE ITS XMAS. 

A HETRO COUPLE PASSES ME. I THINK THE GUY CHECKS ME OUT? HE DEFINITELY LOOKS A FEW TIMES, EVEN TURNING HIS HEAD AND LOOKING BACK A FEW MORE.
I’M NOT SURE… HE MAY JUST LIKE, OR NOT LIKE WHAT I’M WEARING.. 
ITS HARD TO TELL. ‘

I FIND A NICE PLACE TO SIT AND CONTEMPLATE THE WORLD.

I'M CONVINCED 2018 WILL BE A GOOD YEAR FOR ME. 2016 & 2017 WERE HIDEOUS. I REFUSE TO HAVE A 3RD HIDEOUS YEAR. ALTHOUGH MY PARENTS HEALTH IS FADING FAST, I’M WORKING ON ACCEPTING THE INEVITABLE AND MAKING THE REST OF MY LIFE- AS STRESS-FREE AS POSSIBLE. 
THIS IS THE UPMOST IMPORTANCE TO ME.

I WILL HAVE A HAPPY SENIOR LIFE.

WHEN I GET BACK TO HOTEL TRENTO, I FEEL LIKE I’VE ACCOMPLISHED ALLOT.

I TAKE A LITTLE NAP, AND BEFORE I KNOW IT, LUPIN IS AT MY DOOR. 

“MISTER CASTRO, I HOPE YOU DON’T MIND, WE ARE GOING TO A FRIEND’S HOUSE FOR DRINKS.?”

 "PERFECT," I SAY.

WE GO TO THE CAR OF NICOLA, WITH DOUGLAS, LUPIN’S BF FROM AUSTIN, TEXAS. DOUGLAS TRIES TO FOOL ME BY SPEAKING ONLY ITALIAN.

NICOLA IS WEARING HIS SIGNATURE DIAVOLO CAP FROM JEAN-PAUL GAULTIER.

WE GO TO LUPIN’S FRIEND CHRISTINA’S HOME. SHE IS THERE WITH HER BOYFRIEND AND ANOTHER FRIEND…..

RED WINE IS POURED SO I AM HAPPY AS A LARK.

DOUGLAS LIGHTS UP A JOINT. I WATCH, BUT AM CONTENT WITH MY ROSSO.

NOBODY IN BRESCIA DRINKS WINE!

AFTER HANGING FOR AWHILE WE ALL MEET UP AT THIS CUTE LITTLE RESTAURANT/BAR. EVERYBODY'S OUTSIDE SMOKING. IT IS FREEZING.

 I AM PROUD OF MYSELF BECAUSE I BROUGHT THE RIGHT CLOTHING FOR THE ITALIAN WINTER; LEATHER & LAYERS- RICK OWENS OF COURSE.

WE FINALLY SIT DOWN FOR DINNER AT A LONG WOODEN TABLE.

I ORDER CHICKEN CURRY WITH RICE AND A GLASS OF LOCAL RED WINE. 

I’M CURIOUS TO SEE HOW ITALIANS DO CURRY.

I DECIDE TO AMUSE MY ITALIAN FRIENDS WITH A STORY ABOUT MADONNA. 

DID I MENTION THAT LUPIN DOLCI IS OBSESSED WITH MADONNA? THIS IS SOMETHING I'VE WORRIED ABOUT BEFORE WE MET. I KNEW HE IDOLIZED HER.
I DO NOT. MY OPINION OF MADONNA IS LIKE MY OPINION OF THE BEATLES AND MCDONALDS. JUST BECAUSE SOMETHING IS POPULAR DOES NOT MAKE IT GOOD. 

DO YOU WANT TO HEAR THE STORY? THIS IS HOW IT GOES….

BACK IN 1984ISH, I WENT TO DINNER AT MICELI’S ITALIAN RESTAURANT ON LAS PALMAS AVE, HOLLYWOOD.

BTW- THE FOOD AT MICELI’S IS A SAD COMPARISON TO ACTUAL ITALIAN FOOD.

AT OUR DINNER PARTY BESIDES MYSELF, IS MY BUSINESS PARTNER MICHI, MY HAIR & MAKE UP ARTIST FRIEND, MICHELE BULHER, AND MY CLOTHING DESIGNER FRIEND ABLE VILLAREAL. WHAT THEY ALL HAVE IN COMMON, 
(BESIDES ME) IS THEY ALL RECENTLY WORKED FOR MADONNA.

MICHI JUST  WORKED FOR HER AS PART OF HER WORLD TOUR, AND A CONCERT BOOKLET. MICHI WAS COMMENTING HOW SPOILED SHE WAS. EVEN THOUGH SHE LIKED MICHI, SHE WAS BRATTY TO EVERYBODY ON THE SET.

ABLE THEN CHIMED IN HOW MADONNA WANTED HIM TO DESIGN A SPECIFIC OUTFIT FOR HER. HE FOUND HER WAY TOO DEMANDING, AND CHEAP. EVENTUALLY NOT TAKING THE ASSIGNMENT.

MICHELE BULHER DID HER MAKE -UP FOR MATERIAL GIRL VIDEO,
 SHE WAS APPALLED HOW MEAN SHE WAS TO EVERYBODY. 
SHE ACTUALLY HAD A HAIR PERSON FIRED, BECAUSE SHE HAD ACNE.

BTW- MADONNA ALSO HAD ACNE IN THE 80S.

EACH PERSON AT THE DINNER TABLE TOOK TURNS SLAGGING MADONNA. 

WHEN IT WAS MY TURN, I SIMPLY SAID, “I’VE NEVER MET HER.”

ABLE WAS SITTING OPPOSITE ME, IN MICELI’S HIGH BACK WOODEN BOTHS (IMPORTED FROM PIG & WHISTLE ACROSS THE COURTYARD). SUDDENLY ABLE’S EYES WENT WIDE, HIS EXPRESSION CHANGED, AND HE LOOKED A BIT PALE. 

ABLE LEANED OVER AND WHISPERED TO US, “ DIRECTLY BEHIND OUR BOOTH GLARING AT US IS MADONNA."  SHE HEARD EVERYTHING WE WERE SAYING!

BACK AT OUR PRESENT DAY TABLE IN BRESCIA-  NEXT TO US IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL ITALIAN MAN. HE LOOKS LIKE A BOTTICHELLI PAINTING. HIS HAIR IS LONG AND FULL. DARK AS COAL... DEEP- FLAT BLACK. HIS SKIN IS  LIKE ALABASTER. IT GLOWS. HIS EYES,  SO DEEP, ONE COULD FALL INTO THEM. 

I JUST STARE. HE LOOKS KIND.

AFTER DINNER, NICOLA & LUPIN TAKE ME TO A CLUB WHERE THEY LIKE TO DJ. EVERYBODY IS OUTSIDE SMOKING IN THE COLD. WHEN WE GO INTO A SMALL SPACE, NO FRILLS. THE BAR IS A BASIC WHITE SURFACE THAT ALSO DOUBLES AS  DJ BOOTH. NEXT TO THE BAR IS A BARREN WHITE WALL PROJECTING MATTHEW BARNEY’S CREMASTER3. EVERY NOW AND AGAIN, THE WALL WILL SLIDE OPEN EXPOSING THE TOILET. THIS IS ALSO THE ENTRY WAY.

NICOLA MUST'VE TOLD THE MILLENNIAL DJ’ I WAS FAMOUS, BECAUSE HE TAKES OUT HIS CAMERA AND STARTS SNAPPING PICS. WITHOUT TALKING TO ME, ASKING TO POSE OR ANYTHING. I KNOW THEY WILL COME OUT BAD. 

THIS IS A VERY MILLENNIAL THING TO DO. RATHER THAN START A CONVERSATION AND GET GOOD PHOTOS, HE OPPS FOR ANTI-SOCIAL- I’LL JUST SNAP A FEW. MILLENNIALS HAVE NO PEOPLE SKILLS. DON’T GET ME STARTED ON MILLENNIALS!

THE ONLY DECENT ONE I’M AWARE OF IS TIMOTHEE CHALAMET.

 I’M NOT SO SURE IF I MET HIM I WOULD FEEL THIS WAY, BUT ON CAMERA HE COMES OFF SMART, SWEET & SINCERE.

SINCE I’M OLD I ASK NICOLA IF I CAN LEAVE. MY LATE NIGHT DAYS ARE DEFINITELY OVER. OR AS, RICK OWENS VISUAL DIRECTOR LUKE MAYES PUTS IT, 

“IF YOU CAN’T DIG IT, YOU AIN’T GOT NO SHOVEL.”  

LUKE MAY ALSO BE A MILLENNIAL.

MY ITALIAN DREAMBOYS DROP ME OFF AT MY SWEET COMMUNISTA HOTEL TRENTO .  I FALL INTO THE MOST PLEASANT SLEEP.

12.26.2017- LATE MORNING

IN THE AFTERNOON CHIARA, (THE COMMUNISTA) AND HER FAMILY PICK ME UP FOR LUNCH. CHIARA HUSBAND SCOTT IS FROM LONDON. THAT’S WHERE HE MET CHIARA, WHEN SHE DECIDED TO MOVE BACK TO BRESCIA SHE ASKED HIM TO COME, AND HE DID… IS THAT TRUE LOVE OR WHAT!

THEY HAVE TWO KIDS- A 15 YEAR OLD GIRL WHO I’M TOLD IS SHY. ALTHOUGH SHE DOES EXPRESS SHE WANTS TO GO TO CALIFORNIA AND PURCHASE A LAMBORGHINI, AND AN 8 YEAR OLD BOY WHO CONTINUOUSLY PLAYS VIOLENT GAMES ON HIS IPHONE. IT HAS A STICKER THAT SAYS, “FUCK OFF.” 

SURPRISED I ASK HIM WHAT THIS SAYS… HE LOOKS AT HIS DAD FOR CLEARANCE.. “THEY’RE ONLY ALLOW TO SWEAR AT HOME, BUT SINCE YOU’VE ASKED, HE CAN REPLY,” SAYS SCOTT.

IN THE CUTEST OLIVER, PLEASE SIR, MAY I HAVE MORE- VOICE HE REPLIES, 
“FUCK OFF.”

WE GO TO A GERMAN HOFBRAU IN A MALL JUST OUT OF BRESCIA, SO NOW I CAN SAY I’VE HAD GERMAN FOOD, ITALIAN STYLE.

THE COMMUNISTA FAMILY DROPS ME BACK OFF AT HOTEL TRENTO, WHERE THE CONCIERGE OPENS THE DOOR FOR ME. IT’S RAINING A BIT AND HE DOESN’T WANT ME TO GET WET. WAS HE WAITING FOR ME? I DIDN’T EVEN BUZZ ENTRY.

I HANG OUT WITH THE OWNER/CONCIERGE. HE MAKES ME A CUPPA TEA. HE’S SO GREAT- OLD SCHOOL, NO FRILLS, HARD AS NAILS, WITH A HEART OF GOLD. 

I PAY MY BILL NOW, (SOOO CHEAP!) BECAUSE I WILL LEAVE AT THE CRACK OF DAWN THE FOLLOWING MORNING. HE SHOWS ME WHERE TO LEAVE THE KEY.

WHEN I COME BACK TO BRESCIA I WILL STAY AT THE HOTEL TRENTO.

MAYBE HE’LL GIVE ME A THREE MONTH- SPECIAL DEAL?

I TAKE A LITTLE CATNAP….

 PIER PAOLO PASOLINI'S- SALO: 120 DAYS OF SODOM  CHANGED MY LIFE. 

AT THE AGE OF 18~ I WENT TO THE FIRST SCREENING~ VISTA THEATER, SILVER LAKE~1976. THE FILM BEGINS PROJECTING TO AN ALREADY SPARSE CROWD. 
LOS ANGELES IN THE 70S, FEW WERE INTERESTED IN ARTHOUSE, SUBTITLED, EXPLICIT FILMS. WHEN THE MOVIE ENDED I WAS THE ONLY ONE LEFT IN THE THEATER.  I'VE ALWAYS SAID~  "SALO SEPARATES THE MEN FROM THE BOYS." 

 SALO:120 DAYS OF SODOM AFFECTED ME DEEPLY. 

 I SAW THE MOVIE, BEFORE I READ THE  CLASSIC BOOK BY THE MARQUIS DE SADE~ DONATIEN ALPHONSE FRANCOIS, (1785).   

PASOLINI'S INVERSION OF AN ALREADY INVERTED TALE FASCINATES ME TO THIS DAY.  

AS AN OBSESSIVE PERSON I CONSUMED ANY INFO I COULD FIND ABOUT SALO. 

THIS OF COURSE WAS PRE-INTERNET. MOST NON ITALIANS DON'T REALIZE SALO THE LOCATION DOES EXIST.  THE PRODUCTION WAS FILMED MOSTLY IN THE OUTSKIRTS OF ROMA, BUT THE OPENING EXTERIOR IS A WIDE SHOT OF THE REPUBLIC OF SALO IN NORTHERN ITALY.   
CREATED AS A PUPPET STATE IN 1943 UNTIL THE SURRENDER OF GERMAN TROOPS IN ITALY, 1945, THE REPUBLIC OF SALO WAS LED BY DUCE BENITO MUSSOLINI, AND HIS ANTI-MONARCHIST REPUBLICAN FASCIST PARTY.
PASOLINI TOOK DE SADE'S PSYCHOSEXUAL 18TH CENTURY STORY AND CREATED A CLASSIC FILM DEPICTING SEX AS FASCISTIC METAPHOR.
MODERN DAY SALO IS A PICTURESQUE TOWN ON BEAUTIFUL LAKE GAURDIA.

ON MY LAST EVENING IN ITALY, ONE OF MY LIFE DREAMS HAS COME TRUE. 

MY ITALIAN DREAM BOYS-  LUPIN, NICOLA AND DOUGLAS- LUPIN’S BF FROM AUSTIN SURPRISE ME BY DRIVING ME TO SALO! I WAS SO EXCITED I COULDN'T CONTAIN MYSELF...  I WAS SCREAMING THE ENTIRE DRIVE THERE. 
SUDDENLY THERE WE WERE..... IT WAS PITCH BLACK, IT WAS RAINING,  I DIDN'T HAVE MY CAMERA,  I DIDN'T HAVE THE COSTUME I PLANNED TO WEAR, 

BUT I WAS IN SALO. I WAS HOME.

AFTER OUR SHOOT AND A LEISURELY STROLL IN DOWNTOWN SALO MAIN STREET IN 28 DEGREE WEATHER, NICOLA CALLED A FRIEND WHO OWNS A LOCAL BAR CALLED VENTIQUATTRO- (21).

THE BAR WAS CLOSED FOR THE HOLIDAY, BUT HE INVITES US OVER TO A PRIVATE PARTY. AFTER GETTING LOST A FEW TIMES, WE PARK THE CAR IN THE OUTSKIRTS OF "LA REPUBBLICA  DI SALO." I OPEN THE CAR DOOR AND AM GREETED BY MATTIA MERGO. HE IS ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS!  LEAN, SEXY.. SWEETEST FACE I’VE EVER SEEN, DEEP BROWN EYES, BUTTON NOSE..

 I CAN’T STOP STARING AT HIM. AND HE’S SO NICE & GENEROUS. 

WE WALK IN THE RAIN BEHIND MATTIA AS HE LEADS US TO HIS HOME.

UP THE NARROW STAIRCASE IN A QUAINT TOWNHOUSE JUST OUTSIDE DOWNTOWN SALO. MATTIA THROWS OPEN THE DOORS TO A FULL ON ITALIAN PARTY THAT LOOKS LIKE ITS BEEN GOING ON FOR DAYS.

A GROUP OF ITALIAN MEN ARE SINGING DIFFERENT VERSIONS OF SINATRA'S 

MY WAY. SOME OTHER MEN ARE COOKING. ANOTHER GROUP OF ITALIAN WOMEN ARE DANCING.

 A CHIC MOTHER DANCES WITH HER BEAUTIFUL GOLDEN-HAIRED DAUGHTER.

THERE ARE MANY EMPTY AND HALF-EMPTY BOTTLES OF WINE LITTERING THE HUGE DINING TABLE. I FEEL LIKE I’M IN A MODERN DAY FELLINI FILM. 

EVERYBODY IS HAPPY, BEAUTIFUL AND ENJOYING AMORE PER LA VITA.

THEN THE FOOD & DRINK START COMING- “YOU MUST TRY THIS LOCAL WINE,” SOMEONE PUTS DOWN A BOTTLE IN FRONT OF US. 

IT IS INCREDIBLE! 

“HERE IS 4 YEAR AGED PARMIGIANO WITH LOCAL OLIVE OIL,” 
SOMEONE ELSE PUTS DOWN A PLATE.

WOW!

“THIS IS SALTED SALMON FROM LAGO DI GARDIA,” 
ANOTHER PERSON PUTS DOWN A PLATE. 

OHWOW!

“WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY TORTELLINI SOUP?” ASKS ANOTHER PERSON.

AMAZING!

 NICOLA HAD TOLD ME HE WAS SERVED TORTELLINI SOUP FOR XMAS EVE AND IT WAS BLAND. “TRY THIS ONE IL MIO PICCOLO DIAVOLO, I SAY.
 I GUARANTEE IT IS ANYTHING BUT BLAND.”

“HERE IS SOME SPAGHETTI, “ A JOVIAL MAN SETS IN FRONT OF ME.

THICK HOME MADE NOODLES WITH PECORINO ROMANO, RED PEPPERS AND BLACK PEPPERCORN. 

SO SIMPLE, BUT SOOOOOO GOOD!

MORE WINE…..

AND NOW A CHEERFUL MAN WEARING A SEA MONSTER DEL GARDA T-SHIRT, PUTS DOWN A, STILL SIZZLING PLATE, “THIS IS LOCAL DUCK, COOKED IN LOCALLY CHURNED BUTTER, ORANGES FROM OUR TREE, AND LOCAL CHAMPAGNE,

 WITH A SIDE OF POLENTA.

OHMYFUCKINGOD!! I’VE GONE TO CULINARY HEAVEN!  

SUDDENLY A GUY WHO LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE ANTONIONI WOULD'VE CAST AS A MUSICIAN BRINGS OUT A MANDOLIN AND BEGINS TO SING…. 

WHILE WE EAT! THEN THIS ELEGANT WOMAN SINGS OPERA. 

I WANT TO CRY… HER VOICE IS  SO BEAUTIFUL.

 I LOOK TO DOUGLAS, THE ONLY OTHER AMERICAN HERE, AND HE IS CRYING.

 I UNDERSTAND. WE SIMPLY DON’T HAVE THIS WARMTH IN AMERICA.

 NOT IN PRESENT TIMES ANYWAY. I’M SOMEWHAT REMINDED OF FAMILY PARTIES WHEN I WAS A CHILD. I REMEMBER THIS KIND OF WARMTH THEN. 

THAT WAS A LONG TIME AGO.

THE JOLLY CHEF IN THE SEA MONSTER DEL GARDA T-SHIRT SITS NEXT TO ME. 

I TELL HIM, “THAT WAS THE BEST MEAL I’VE EVER HAD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.” 

HE ACTUALLY LOWERS HIS HEAD IN PRIDE.

MATTIA BRING OVER A BOTTLE, “THIS IS HOMEMADE AGED CHAMPAGNE WE’VE ONLY CREATED 6 BOTTLES, WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY SOME?” 

“WELL…. YES!”, I SAY, 

MATTIA POURS,  I SIP. IT HITS ME IMMEDIATELY.

 “DO YOU NOTICE HOW IT STINGS THE LIPS IN THE MOST ENJOYABLE WAY? 

IT WAKES THEM UP.” 

“YES I DO,” I REPY IN AWE.

 LUPIN IS HITTING ON THIS GORGEOUS YOUNG BOY IN THE KITCHEN.

 BEFORE HE DOES SO, HE TOLD MATTIA THAT I THINK HE’S BEAUTIFUL. 

MATTIA DOESN’T REACT THE WAY AN AMERICAN STRAIGHT MAN WOULD REACT, EITHER IN FEAR, ANGER OR BOTH. 

MATTIA SAYS TO ME,
“THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I AM SO HAPPY TO HAVE YOU HERE.” 

HE HUNGS ME. THEN INTRODUCES ME TO HIS GIRLFRIEND WHO HANDS ME THEIR CARD. 

I LOVE ITALIANS.

*AS A SIDE NOTE I WOULD LIKE TO TELL MY DEAR READERS-

 BRESCIA IS 30 MINUTES SOUTH OF SALO, AND 20 MINUTES NORTH OF CREMA- 

WHERE THEY FILMED CALL ME BY YOUR NAME.

ON THE WAY BACK TO BRESCIA WE ARE ALL SINGING IN THE CAR, LAUGHING AND AMARE OGNI MOMENTO.

WE DROP OFF DOUGLAS AT HIS HOTEL AND I SAY TO HIM, “DO EVERYTHING YOU WANT TO DO FOR THE NEW YEAR. DRINK, SMOKE, EAT GOOD FOOD, KISS LUPIN.”

NOW LUPIN & NICOLA TAKE ME BACK TO HOTEL TRENTO. 

THE CONCIERGE/OWNER OPENS THE DOOR. HOW DID HE KNOW WE WERE HERE?

HE MAKES US TEA AND WE TAKE IT TO MY ROOM. 

SINCE IT'S COMMUNISTA, THERE IS ONLY ONE CHAIR, SO I TELL MY ITALIAN DREAMBOYS- “YOU WILL HAVE TO FIGHT OVER IT.” 

THEY SMOKE.. LIKE CHIMNEYS. WE DRINK OUR TEA AND LAUGH.

THEN THE TIME COMES TO SAY GOOD-BYE. NICOLA HUGS ME.

 I PICK HIM UP AND SQUEEZE HIM. HE’S LIGHT AS A FEATHER. 

I DON’T WANT TO LET GO.. THIS TRIP HAS BEEN A GIFT TO ME- 

I’VE HAD THIS SUBLTE, YET POWERFUL EXPERIENCE OF A LIFETIME. 

THESE TWO GUYS, WHO WERE STRANGERS A WEEK AGO ARE NOW
 LA MIA FAMIGLIA. 

I START TO WEEP.. AGAIN!

I REALLY JUST FALL APART. I FINALLY LET GO OF NICOLA, AS I HAVE NOW MADE HIM CRY. LUPIN LOOKS ME IN THE EYE. HE IS ALSO CRYING. 

“MISTER CASTRO, HE SAYS TO ME IN HIS WONDERFUL HEAVY ITALIAN ACCENT. 

YOU ARE A TRUE GENTLEMAN.”

“I TRY,” I RESPOND THRU SOBS. WE KISS.

“I GET VERY SENTIMENTAL,“ I EXPLAIN. 

2017 HAS BEEN A HARD YEAR FOR ME, AS IT HAS FOR MANY PEOPLE. 

LUPIN & NICOLA HAVE HARD LIFES AS WELL. THERE IS NO NEED TO EXPLAIN. 

WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER.

 I CLOSE THE DOOR AS THEY WALK DOWN THE HALLWAY OF THE BLEAK, BEAUTIFUL HOTEL TRENTO, I CRY FOR ANOTHER HOUR OR SO… 

DOES THIS MEAN I CRIED MYSELF TO SLEEP?