URBAN SOCIAL HOUSE: A STORY BY RICK CASTRO

MY DEAR READERS, ARE YOU FAMILIAR WITH EAST HOLLYWOOD?

I’VE LIVED HERE  FOR 17 YEARS, WATCHING THE AREA CHANGE FROM NOBODY WANTING TO LIVE HERE, TO EVERYBODY WANTS TO LIVE HERE.

BACK THEN THE ENTIRE BLOCK WAS OLD SCHOOL ARMENIAN, EXCEPT FOR MY BUILDING. THE ENTIRE COMPLEX WAS GAY. I WAS CURIOUS AS TO HOW THIS WOULD HAPPEN, 
 ONE DAY I ASKED THE LANDLORD, A MIDDLE AGED ARMENIAN MAN. “VICTOR”, 
I SAID, "I KNOW YOU’RE NOT GAY, HOW DID YOU HAPPEN TO HAVE ALL GAY TENANTS?”

VICTOR REPLIED, “THE LADY WHOM I PURCHASED THE BUILDING FROM GAVE ME SOME ADVICE, IF YOU WANT YOUR PROPERTY TO STAY IN GOOD CONDITION- 

NO DOGS AND ONLY RENT TO GAY MEN."

OVER THE YEARS THIS HAS CHANGED. NOW I’M THE ONLY GAY PERSON IN THE COMPLEX. THERE WAS A LESBIAN, (WITH MANY GIRLFRIENDS) BUT SHE MOVED ABOUT 3 YEARS AGO.

17 YEARS LATER, EAST HOLLYWOOD IS THE PLACE TO BE. I LOVE IT. 

A COMBO OF ARMENIAN, THAI, LATIN, HIPSTER AND GAY.

I’M ONE OF THE EARLY GAYS.

THE ARMENIAN MARKETS ARE GEMS. THEY HAVE EVERYTHING-

 IN SHOP BUTCHER, CHEESE WHEELS, BAKERY GOODS DELIVERED EVERY MORNING,  FRESH PRODUCE, MANY IMPORTED ITEMS, AND THEY’RE CHEAP!

THERE’S THAI RESTAURANTS ON EVERY BLOCK. 

EACH ONE WITH ITS OWN SPECIALITY.

HOWEVER, THERE IS ALLOT OF GENTRIFICATION GOING ON. 

MY DEAR READERS ALREADY KNOW I’M NOT A FAN OF THIS.

WHEN I MOVED HERE THE FLAVOR OF EAST HOLLYWOOD WAS BUKOWSKI-ESQUE. THIS WAS  WRITER- CHARLES BUKOWSKI'S  STOMPING GROUND DURING THE 60’S  THRU 80’S. HE WENT TO THE BLUE ANGEL BAR,(TORN DOWN FOR YOGA-WORKS) HE LIVED UP THE  AT THE ST. FRANCIS HOTEL, (CONVERTING TO A HIPSTER HOSTEL).

HE THEN LIVED ON DELONGPRE AVE. 

WHEN I ARRIVED BACK IN 2000, THERE WERE MANY DIVE BARS. THE STUDY WAS MY ABSOLUTE FAVE. A GAY BLACK BAR WITH A FIREPLACE, (IN LOS ANGELES?) AND THE BEST JUKE BOX THIS SIDE OF THE 10 FWY. 

I WAS A REGULAR. 
MY BLACK FUCK-BUDDY  & I WERE ON A “DATE” WAY BACK IN 2002. 

EVERY TIME I’D  GET US DRINKS, I’D COME BACK TO THE TABLE TO FIND COMPANY. HE WAS HIT ON CONTINUOUSLY. 
SADLY THE STUDY WAS TORN DOWN IN 2010.

THE MOST NOTORIOUS WAS THE CORAL SANDS MOTEL. THIS PLACE HAS BEEN AROUND SINCE THE 1950S. IT’S RUMORED THAT JAMES DEAN WAS A REGULAR FOR NIGHTS OF ABANDON MALE ORGIES, FEATURING CIGARETTE BRANDING.
 OVER THE YEARS, I’VE BEEN THERE NUMEROUS TIMES. 
EACH ROOM HAD PORN FEED TO THE TV MONITORS. 

ALL THE YOUNG DUDES WOULD LEAVE THEIR DOORS OPEN, EVERYONE WORE TOWELS- ONLY.

AS THE 70S TURNED INTO THE 80S, THEN 90S, THE CORAL SANDS BECAME A HAVEN FOR TWEEKERS.

ONCE I WAS WALKING WEST DOWN HOLLYWOOD BLVD HEADING HOME FROM 
THE STONE, ( AN ASIAN GAY DIVE) THIS GUY APPROACHING WAS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE. HE LOOKED LIKE A GAY CLONE FROM CASTRO STREET CIRCA 1980. MUSTACHE, PLAID SHIRT, 501 JEANS: TIGHT IN THE CROTCH, EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM READ- CENTRAL CASTING. 

I’VE LIVED IN HOLLYWOOD MY ENTIRE LIFE. I KNOW BAD ACTING,

“HAY GUY!. CAN YOU TELL ME WHERE’S THE CORAL SANDS?” HE ASKS IN FAKE EARNEST.

“YAH.. WALK THE OTHER WAY, TURN RIGHT ON WESTERN, YOU CAN’T MISS IT,”
 I REPLIED.

“GEE I’M NOT SURE… MAYBE YOU CAN SHOW ME?” HE SAYS ALL CRUISY.

“I’M SURE YOU CAN FIND IT ON YOUR OWN, “ I RESPOND WITH DISDAIN.

 I WALK PAST HIM AND HIS UNDER-COVER PARTNER PARKED IN AN UNMARKED POLICE CAR. YOU HAVE TO GET UP REALLY EARLY IN THE MORNING TO PULL THE SET-UP GAY WOOL OVER MY EYES. 

THIS BULL SHIT WAS ENTRAPMENT WITH A CAPITAL T! 

THIS WAS YEARS BEFORE GEORGE MICHAEL'S BUST. 

I WISH I COULD’VE WARNED HIM.

SADLY THE CORAL SANDS IS NOW “FAMILY FRIENDLY.” CAN YOU IMAGINE?
 SIGN OF THE BANAL TIMES.

 THE STONE WAS AN ASIAN GAY BAR. I LOVED IT THERE. 
THAI-DRAG SHOW EVERY THURSDAY.

ITS NOW A HOPELESSLY HIPSTER BAR CALLED- “HARVARD & STONE.” 
HOW ORIGINAL.

AWHILE AGO I MET THIS GOOD-LOOKING GUY ON THE LOCAL #217 BUS.

WE STARTED TO CHAT. TURNED OUT HE WAS A MODEL FROM NYC.
 TO EARN $$$ BETWEEN ASSIGNMENTS. HE WORKED AT HARVARD & STONE AS A DOORMAN. HE WAS TALL-LEAN, GOOD-LOOKING IN AN EASTERN EUROPEAN WAY.

WE GOT OFF AT THE SAME STOP,  RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE BAR. 
HE OFFERED ME AN OPEN INVITATION.

A FEW MONTHS LATER I WAS WITH MY SCHIZOPHRENIC FRIEND “HELEN.”
 I’M NOT BEING MEAN, SHE REALLY IS SCHIZOPHRENIC. 
( HELEN DESERVES HER OWN STORY. STAY TUNED!),

 I WANTED TO SHOW HER WHAT THEY DID TO THE STONE BAR.
 THE PLACE WAS HOPPING WITH HIPSTERS. WE WALKED UP TO THE FRONT DOOR. I SAW THE MODEL GUY FROM THE BUS. 
 “HEY HI,  I SAID, WE DON’T WANT TO STAY. I JUST WANT TO SHOW MY FRIEND HOW THE BAR HAS CHANGED. WE USED TO BE REGULARS.” 

HE DIDN’T RECOGNIZE ME AND REPLIES,
 “WELL, I’LL LET YOU THIS ONCE, BUT SO YOU KNOW THERE IS A DRESS CODE.”

STUNNED I REPLIED, “WHAT’S THE DRESS CODE?”

“YOU KNOW, HIP, STYLISH, CHIC, HE SAYS DEADPAN.

I SAID TO HIM WITH AS MUCH VENOM AS I COULD MUSTER,

 “I’M WEARING RICK OWENS FROM HEAD TO TOE!”

 HE  LOOKED AT ME BLANK. HE DIDN’T KNOW WHO THAT WAS.

ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF RELENTLESS GENTRIFICATION OF “EHO” IS THE CLOSING OF LONG TIME ARMENIAN OWENED- PORTOS BAKERY, REPLACED WITH
FAMILY & FRIENDS: A NOVELL- MINIMAL BAKERY CAFE. 
THE FOOD IS GOOD, BUT OVERPRICED. 
I THINK IT’S A CHAIN?

 I WENT OPENING DAY. IT WAS EMPTY. I WENT BACK LAST WEEK AND IT WAS PACKED. TOO NOISEY FOR ME. THESE AUSTERE HIPSTER PLACES ARE ALWAYS LIKE THAT. NO INSULATION SO GENERAL CHATTER BECOMES DEAFENING. 

I WILL NOT GO BACK. UNLESS I’M DESPERATE FOR A RHUBARB TART!

MY FAVORITE PLACE HAS BECOME THE URBAN SOCIAL HOUSE. 
THIS CUTE COFFEE HOUSE OPENED ABOUT 2 YEARS AGO. WHEN IT FIRST OPENED IT WAS ON THE SAD SIDE. THE OWNERS WERE BROKE AND DOING IT BY THE SKIN OF THEIR TEETH. 
NOW ON ITS SECOND YEAR, THE PLACE HAS BECOME THE CIVIC CENTER OF EHO.

IT RIVALS OR REPLACED ESPRESSO MI CULTURA DOWN THE STREET, WHICH KIND OF DIED OUT A FEW YEARS AGO.
 BACK IN 2008 IT WAS THE HEADQUARTERS FOR THE OBAMA CAMPAIGN.

I WAS AT THE URBAN SOCIAL HOUSE LAST SUNDAY. 

I ARRIVED EARLY FOR BREAKFAST. A SPARSE CROWD.

THE HANDWRITTEN MENU ANNOUNCED- 
DAILY SPECIAL - 
LOX,CREAM CHEESE ON BAGEL WITH AVOCADO.

THAT SOUNDS GOOD. I ORDER IT AND AN EARL GREY TEA.

THE BLOOD REDHEADED, (DYED) COUNTER GIRL SAYS,
 "I’M SORRY, BUT WE DON’T HAVE THAT."

“OH.. OK.. WELL WHAT DO YOU HAVE?” I ASK. 
IT’S A SIMPLE MENU. NOT MUCH TO CHOOSE FROM. 
THERE’S REALLY NOTHING ON THE MENU.

“WE HAVE THE BREAKFAST SANDWICHES WITH WHATEVER YOU WANT,"
 SHE SAYS CHIPPER & CHEERY.

“OK, I SAY, I’LL HAVE A BREAKFAST SANDWICH ON A BAGEL WITH AVOCADO.”

“OH WERE OUT OF AVOCADO,” SHE SAYS.

“OK, DO YOU HAVE KALE?” I ASK.

NO WE’RE OUT OF THAT, SHE REPLIES.

“THEN I’LL JUST HAVE IT WITH ONION AND TOMATO.” I SAY WITH COMPLIANCE..

“OK, SHE’S SO MERRY, WHAT KIND OF BAGEL WOULD YOU LIKE?”

“I’LL HAVE AN ONION BAGEL.” I RESPOND

“I’LL BRING IT TO YOU SIR.”SHE SAYS EVER SO POLITELY.

THE HANDSOME BARISTA  WITH PULLED BACK HAIR AND FEDORA, SMILES AT ME. 

HE’S WEARING INTERESTING LEGGINGS OR TIGHTS.

IN FACT EVERYBODY HERE IS WEARING TIGHTS.. ALL THE GIRLS ARE, INCLUDING THE BLOOD RED HAIRED GIRL BEHIND THE COUNTER. SOME OF THE GAY BOYS ARE WEARING LEGGINGS OR TIGHTS. I’M WEARING SHORTS AND LONG JOHNS,
 SO I GUESS I KINDA GO WITH THE THEME.

NOW THE PLACE IS STARTING TO FILL UP….THESE MAY BE REGULARS.. 

I’M IRREGULAR.

A CUTE LONG-HAIRED WHITE GUY COMES IN WITH A YOUNG BLACK GIRL.
 LOOKS LIKE SHE COULD BE HIS DAUGHTER. DON’T GET ME WRONG, THIS GUY IS YOUNG, BUT THE GIRL IS VERY YOUNG.. TURNS OUT SHE’S HIS GIRLFRIEND. 
THEY ACT LIKE A COUPLE. THEY BOTH GET ON THEIR SEPARATE DEVICES, 
SHE ON HER CELL, HE ON HIS LAPTOP.
THEY IGNORE EACH OTHER.

LATER HE GETS UP TO SMOKE. WHEN HE DOES, SHE MOVES OVER TO HIS LAPTOP AND SURFS.

THE LONG-HAIR GUY IS TALL & LEAN, WEARING A PRINTED BASEBALL JACKET AND SKINNY JEANS. HE’S HIP IN A DRESSED DOWN WAY.
 HE’S SEXY, IN THAT MILLENNIAL WAY.. WHICH IS ASEXUAL.

“EXCUSE ME SIR, THE BLOOD REDHEADED GIRL IS TALKING TO ME, IT LOOKS LIKE I’M STRIKING OUT WITH YOU. WE’RE OUT OF ONION BAGELS. I’M SORRY, BUT THE GIRL THAT BRINGS OUR DAILY SUPPLIES IS LATE, SO WE DON’T HAVE MUCH RIGHT NOW.” 

"WHAT KIND OF BAGELS DO YOU HAVE?" I ASK.

“PLAIN OR EVERYTHING, “ SHE REPLIES

I SAY, “I’LL HAVE EVERYTHING."

“I’LL BRING IT OUT TO YOU SIR,” SHE REPLIES. SHE’S VERY NICE.

A GROUP OF GIRLS COME IN. THEY ARE MODERN GOTHS. 
THEY LOOK LIKE A COVEN. THEY ARE ALL WEARING TIGHTS.

IT IS VERY QUIET. 

EVERYBODY INCLUDING ME IS ON A LAPTOP OR DEVICE.

PEOPLE DON’T CHAT AMONGS EACH OTHER IN THE 21ST CENTURY.

BTW- THIS ENTIRE TIME I’M CHATTING WITH MY FRIEND RICARDO ON IM.

SO- I’M ALSO GUILTY AS CHARGED.

THERE’S A SCARY, HOMELESS LADY AT THE DOOR. SHE LOOKS CRAZY. 
LIKE A VAMPIRE SHE WAITS AT THE THRESHOLD TO BE INVITED IN. 

INTERESTINGLY HOMELESS PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS HESITANT TO ENTER AN ESTABLISHMENT. UNLESS INVITED. THE INVITE CAN BE SUBTLE AS SOMEONE MAKING EYE CONTACT.

WELL SOMEONE DID, (MAYBE IT WAS ME?) BECAUSE SHE’S ENTERED. 
HER ENERGY IS CHAOTIC. 

“HERE YOU GO!” THE BLOOD RED-HEADED GIRL HAS BROUGHT MY BREAKFAST SANDWICH.

“THANK YOU!.” I SAY.

I TAKE A BITE REALIZING THERE’S NO EGG.. IN A BREAKFAST SANDWICH.

“EXCUSE ME, I SAY, YOU FORGOT THE EGG.”

WITH UTTER DESPAIR THE BLOOD RED-HEADED GIRL SAYS, “I CAN’T WIN TODAY.”

(BTW- I WAS THERE YESTERDAY AND SHE FORGOT THE AVOCADO- SO I THINK THIS IS HER NORM).

THE CRAZY HOMELESS LADY HAS LEFT WITHOUT ANYONE ASKING HER.
 I’M GLAD.... SHE TOO ANTSY.

AN OLD MAN  WITH A WALKER COMES IN. HE ORDERS A CUPPA COFFEE FROM THE HANDSOME BARISTA WEARING A FEDORA AND LEGGINGS, (TIGHTS)

“WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO CARRY IT OUT FOR YOU SIR?” THE BARISTA POLITELY ASKS.

“NO!,” SNARLS THE MAN WITH THE WALKER.

 HE TAKES IT PRECARIOUSLY IN ONE HAND AND WADDLES TO A SEAT OUTSIDE.

ITS HARD TO GAGE WITH OLD PEOPLE.
 SOMETIMES THEY’RE INSULTED IF YOU OFFER TO HELP.

THE BLOOD REDHEADED GIRL BRINGS BACK MY BREAKFAST SANDWICH, (HOPEFULLY WITH EGG). 

SHE PLACES ON MY TABLE AND LEAVES QUICKLY. 
SHE DOESN’T WANT TO HEAR IF ITS DONE WRONG AGAIN.

IT WAS FINE, BUT I WAS SURPRISED THAT SHE DIDN’T REPLACE THE BAGEL.
 I’D TAKEN A FEW BITES BEFORE I REALIZED THERE WAS NO EGG. 
SHE BROUGHT BACK THE SAME BAGEL WITH EGG  PLOPPED ON. 

DO YOU THINK I’M ASKING TOO MUCH?

MY TEA IS GOOD.. I’M COOL.

A LATINA GIRL WALKS IN WITH A BASKET OF FOOD. 
SHE MUST BE THE GIRL THAT BRING SUPPLIES!?

I SAY TO THE HANDSOME BARISTA WEARING A FEDORA, 
“ IS THAT YOUR SUPPLY LADY? THAT MEANS YOU NOW HAVE LOX?!” 

“OH NO, HE SAYS… SHE HASN’T BROUGHT THAT YET...
 SHE’S  ONLY HAS THE FIRST SUPPLY.”

“OK,” I SAY ACTING DISAPPOINTED.

A GANGER-TYPE  WALKS BY. HE BLOWS A KISS  TO A GIRL SEATED OUTSIDE. 
NOT SURE IF SHE LIKED IT.. I’M ASSUMING SHE DIDN’T.

I ORDER A PIECE OF PUMPKIN PIE FROM THE BLOOD REDHEADED GIRL. FIRST MAKING SURE IT’S AVAILABLE. YES! SHE CONFIRMS. ITS GOOD.. A LITTLE TOO SWEET, BUT CHOOSERS CAN’T BE BEGGARS.

ALLOTA SKINNY GAY BOYS ARE NOW HERE. I DIDN’T NOTICE BEFORE.
 NOW IT’S A FORREST.

THERE’S ALLOT OF CUTE BOYS HERE.
 I’M REALIZING EAST HOLLYWOOD IS THE NEW PLACE FOR GAY BOYS… 
LIKE CHELSEA, NYC BACK IN THE 90S.
 SINCE IVE BEEN HERE FOR 17 YEARS, I’M AHEAD OF THE CURVE. 

OF COURSE NOW  I’M OLD ENOUGH TO BE THEIR FATHERS…
 PERHAPS I CAN JUST BE THEIR DADDIES.

SO I PACK UP MY LAPTOP, VISIT THE CUTE TOILET.. (SEE BELOW), AND SAY GOOD-BYE TO THE HANDSOME BARISTA AND THE BLOOD-REDHEADED GIRL.. 

(SHE DID TRY HER BEST TO FILL MY ORDER). 

AS I WALK OUT THE DOOR, THE LATINA GIRL IS BRINGING IN THE NEXT SHIPMENT OF FOOD- EGGS, AVOCADOS, KALE AND LOX!

I’LL ORDER THIS NEXT TIME.

COPYRIGHT- 6/2017- RICK CASTRO

CUTE TOILET @ URBAN SOCIAL HOUSE