STEPHANIE OF EL SERENO: A STORY BY RICK CASTRO

SOMETIME DURING THE 80’S….I WANT TO SAY 1984- 85ISH…. 

(IT’S HARD TO REMEMBER… IT WAS ALL A BLUR) I WAS INVITED TO A HOUSE PARTY IN ANAHEIM. ANYONE THAT KNOWS ME, DEAR READERS,
KNOWS I DO NOT HAVE A FONDNESS FOR ORANGE COUNTY. 

(I CALL IT THE ORANGE CURTAIN) 

SO WHY WOULD I BE GOING?

BECAUSE IT WAS THE HOME OF THE LEGENDARY DOMINATRIX REIGNING OVER THE FETISH COMMUNITY OF THE 80’S-EARLY 90’S; MISTRESS ANTOINETTE.

SHE INFAMOUSLY WAS A GUEST ON THE PHIL DONAHUE SHOW,

 PRESENTING A TRANSVESTITE FASHION SHOW.

IN THE 80’S TALK SHOWS WERE A NEW THING. THIS IS BEFORE REALITY TV HAD

 A STRANGLE-HOLD ON AMERICAN CULTURE. THE GENERAL PUBLIC WAS UNFAMILIAR WITH KINK CULTURE. THEY HAD NO IDEA HOW PREVALENT IT WAS.

I WAS EAGER TO ATTEND MISTRESS’S SHINDIG.

 I KNEW THERE WOULD BE PLENTY OF INTERESTING GUESTS.

 IT WOULD BE A HOOT. 

MISTRESS ANTOINETTE AND HER HUSBAND "MASTER ZORRO" LIVED IN A TRACK HOME SHADOWED BY THE DISNEYLAND MATTERHORN. I’M EXAGGERATING A BIT, BUT YOU COULD WALK TO "THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH," FROM HER RESIDENCE. 

IF ANYBODY IN L.A. WALKED.

THE HOUSE WAS A LATE 60’S MODEL. STUCCO, TWO CAR GARAGE, 

FAKE WOOD PANELING,

THE LIVING ROOM WAS CHARMIN, (AS IN TOILET PAPER)  COLOR- BLUE WITH WHITE SHAG CARPETING. SECTIONAL SOFA  ARRANGEMENT, FLANKED BY TWO HUGE LAMPS. ABOVE THE COUCH WAS A TAXIDERMIED  BLUE MARLIN. 

I DON’T KNOW IF IT WAS CAUGHT OR BOUGHT.

A FEW YEARS EARLIER MISTRESS ANTOINETTE HAD BE IMMORTALIZED BY THE LATE- GREAT PHOTOGRAPHER HELMET NEWTON, UNDER THAT VERY MARLIN.

I HAD INVITED MY FRIEND GLEN MEADMORE AND HIS THEN BOYFRIEND “WESTLEY” TO ACCOMPANY ME. WE PICKED GLEN UP AT THE VARIETY ARTS THEATER IN DOWNTOWN LOS ANGELES. HE WAS HEADLINING FOR A NEW GROUP-  JAYNE’S ADDICTION.

GLEN IS A SELF-DESCRIBED GAY-REBORN- COUNTRY-POST PUNK-FOLK SINGER. HE HAD THE PLEASURE OF BEING BOOED BY THE ENTIRE JAYNES ADDICTION AUDIENCE.

THE 80’S WAS A VERY HOMOPHOBIC ERA. 

AS THE CROWD JEERED, THREW BEER CANS AND TRASH ONTO THE STAGE, GLEN POLITELY REPLIED, “THANK YOU!”

(BUT THIS IS ANOTHER STORY, YOU WILL HAVE TO WAIT FOR ALL THOSE GORY DETAILS).

THE THREE OF US DECIDED THE BEST WAY TO DRESS FOR MISTRESS’S AFFAIR WOULD BE DRAG. IT SEEMED ONLY PROPER.

WE CHANGED INTO OUR OUTFITS IN THE BACK SEAT OF GLEN’S 1966 FOREST GREEN MUSTANG.

WESTLEY PUT ON A FETCHING ONE-SHOULDER LEOPARD PRINT DRESS, GLEN, (NOW PENNY) PUT ON “HER” PINK SEQUIN CATSUIT. I WORE A BLACK SATIN GOWN REMINISCENT OF MORTICIA ADDAMS. I ALREADY HAD LONG HAIR -

SO A LITTLE BLACK CAT EYELINER AND I WAS SET.

DRAG FOR US IN THE 80’S WAS NONCHALANT AND ORGANIC. 

NOT LIKE OVER THE TOP RUPAUL’S DRAG RACE/ LADY GAGA 

EXTRAVAGANCES OF TODAY.

MASTER ZORRO GREETED US AT THE DOOR. HE WAS WEARING A LEATHER EYE MASK, RUBBER T-SHIRT AND PLEATED  MOM, (OR DAD) JEANS. 

TO COMPLETE THE LOOK HE CARRIED A LONG BULLWHIP.

MASTER ZORO’S DAY JOB WAS RUNNING A WEIGHT REDUCTION CLINIC. IRONICALLY HE WAS 300LBS. 

I DIDN’T UNDERSTAND, BUT WAS AFRAID TO ASK,

MASTER ZORRO WAS DELIGHTED WITH US THREE TALL DRINKS OF WATER.

 WITH HEELS I WAS 6’4”, WESTLEY WAS EASILY 6’6. “PENNY” WAS A TOWERING 6’9”.

HE EAGERLY LED US TO THE MISTRESS. 
WHEN SHE SAW US SHE JUST LET OUT A CACKLE, 
“WOW- BEAUTIFUL! BEAUTIFUL!”

MISTRESS ANTOINETTE  ALWAYS TALKED FOUR DECIMALS LOUDER THAN EVERYONE ELSE. LIKE SHE WAS ON STAGE GIVING ORDERS.

THE CROWD WAS A MIXTURE OF MIDDLE AGE, SUBURBAN FETISH ENTHUSIASTS, SUBMISSIVES WEARING ILL-FITTING LEATHERS, ADULT BABIES, FEMALE DOMS, (MANY OVERWEIGHT), AND WHAT I BELIEVE WAS A GAGGLE OF HETEROSEXUAL TRANSVESTITES.

A SKINNY SLAVE WITH HORN-RIMMED GLASSES AND CHEAP LEATHER VEST

 GAVE MISTRESS A RED ROSE.
“AWWWWWW”, SHE SAID COQUETTISH AS POSSIBLE, THEN SCREAMED,

 “HAY! SOMEBODY DIDN’T DE-THORN THIS ROSE!”

I WENT TO THE BAR TO GET A DRINK. 
CHOICE OF COORS BEER OR WINE  FROM A BOX.
THIS MIDDLE AGE WOMAN APPROACHED ME. 

“HELLO,” SHE SAID, MY NAME IS "STEPHANIE.”

“HI” I REPLIED, “I’M MISTRESS CATRONIA” .

LET ME EXPLAIN DEAR READERS, I WAS NOT A REGULAR DRAG QUEEN, BUT FOR A COUPLE YEARS DURING THE 80’S, I ENJOYED GETTING DOLLED UP FROM TIME TO TIME. WHEN I DID I CALLED MYSELF MISTRESS CATRONIA, AFTER MY NYC SALES REP- AN RG, (REAL GIRL) NAMED CATRONIA. 

SHE WAS THE ONLY PERSON I EVER KNEW WITH THIS NAME.

 I LIKED IT, SO BORROWED IT.

STEPHANIE WAS INTRIGUED WITH ME. 

WE SAT ON THE SECTIONAL SOFA UNDERNEATH THE MARIN 
AND HAD A CHAT.

STEPHANIE WAS A TRANSEXUAL WOMAN IN HER, (I’M GUESSING) LATE 60’S. 

SHE HAD PREVIOUSLY BEEN MARRIED, WITH NOW GROWN CHILDREN. 
WHEN HIS, (HER) WIFE PASSED AWAY SHE CAME OUT OF THE CLOSET AND  TRANSITIONED. AS A MAN HE HAD BEEN A PLAYWRIGHT, WORKING ON PRODUCTIONS LIKE CATS, AND FIDDLER ON THE ROOF. HE HAD ALSO BEEN A THEATER DIRECTOR , ART DIRECTOR, AS WELL AS COMPOSER, DIRECTOR AND STAGE MANAGER ON BROADWAY FROM BACK  WHEN IT WAS-

 “THE GREAT WHITE WAY.”

STEPHANIE HAD MOVED TO LOS ANGELES TO START HER NEW LIFE.

STEPHANIE LOOKED LIKE A CROSS-BETWEEN THE NORMA DESMOND CHARACTER  OF CAROL BURNETT- 

THE PAINTING- “PORTRAIT OF THE DANCER ANITA BARBER- BY OTTO DIX”,

AND EXENE CERVENKA- IF SHE WAS A FOOT TALLER. 

SHE WAS WEARING A RED SEQUINED DRESS WITH SENSIBLE HEELS, 

AND A CLUTCH BAG.

WE CHATTED FOR AWHILE, I THEN EXCUSED MYSELF,

STEPHANIE FOLLOWED.

SHE WROTE DOWN HER PHONE NUMBER AND INVITED ME TO DINNER.

 I HESITATED, BUT THEN SAID YES.

I KNEW SHE LIKED ME, BUT I  DIDN’T WANT TO LEAD HER ON. 

SHE THOUGHT I WAS MORE LIKE HER, THAN I WAS. 

ABOUT A WEEK LATER I DROVE TO STEFANIE’S HOME. 

SHE LIVED IN EL SERENO, A LOW-KEY LATIN AREA OF LOS ANGELES, 
IN AN OLDER INDUSTRIAL PART OF THE CITY.
TRAIN TRACKS WITH REAL TRAINS. POOR TO WORKING CLASS FAMILIES. 

KINDA GETTO, BUT QUAINT AT THE SAME TIME.

FOLLOWING STEFANIE’S DIRECTIONS-  I WAS ON A SINGLE LANE ROAD HIGH UP A HILLTOP. NO OTHER HOUSES, NO TREES. JUST DRY HILLS.

I GOT TO A HIGH SECURITY GATE, PRESSED THE BUZZER AND THE GATE OPENED. I WAS NOW IN A PRIVATE COURTYARD. STEFANIE WAS STANDING ON HER PORCH WAITING TO GREET ME LIKE THE FIRST LADY.

WHEN I GOT OUT OF MY CAR I COULD SEE THE DISAPPOINTMENT IN HER EYES.

I WASN’T IN DRAG. I WAS WEARING MY USUAL LEATHER PANTS, 

MOTORCYCLE BOOTS AND FITTED JACKET.

SHE GOT OVER IT AND ESCORTED ME INTO HER PALATIAL ESTATE.

I REMEMBER THE HOUSE HAVING LOTS OF MIRRORS & GLASS. 

ONE ROOM WAS COMPLETELY FULL-LENGTH MIRRORED WITH EACH PANEL OF MIRROR OPENING INTO THE WALK-IN CLOSET. 

FIRST LET ME TELL YOU WHAT STEPHANIE WAS WEARING;

A SEQUIN DRESS IN A PEACH-LIKE COLOR, WITH MATCHING PEACH SHOES. SOMETHING LIKE NOLAN MILLER WOULD’VE DESIGNED FOR 

LINDA EVANS IN DYNASTY.

HER WIG WAS DARK BROWN AND CHEAP. 

SHE OBVIOUSLY DID HER OWN MAKE-UP… ALLOT OF EYELINER- & FALSE LASHES. THERE WERE SMALL SPLATTERS OF EYELINER JUST ABOVE EACH CHEEK.

HER LIPS WERE CRIMSON RED, BLEEDING INTO THE WRINKLES ALONG HER 

VERY THIN LIPS.

SHE LOOKS LIKE A TALL ESTELLE GETTY MIXED WITH LOTTE LENYA FROM THE JAMES BOND FILM, (FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE) OR BORIS KARLOFF
 AS MOTHER MUFFIN FROM THE MAN FROM UNCLE.

ALL THE DRESSES IN HER LONG CLOSET WERE SIMILAR STYLE. 

SHE HAD ENOUGH SEQUIN GOWNS TO COSTUME AN ENTIRE SEASON OF 

WAYLAND FLOWERS & MADAME. 

STEPHANIE WAS VERY HAPPY TO TELL ME SHE HAD MADE US DINNER. 

SALISBURY STEAK WITH MASH POTATO & PEAS. ALTHOUGH IT WAS SERVED ON NICE CHINA THE FOOD LOOKED VERY MUCH LIKE BANQUET. 

IT TASTED THAT WAY AS WELL.

SHE SERVED THE MAIN COURSE WITH ROSE- CHABLIS. 

FOR DESSERT WE HAD SHERBET.

STEPHANIE HAD ARRANGED THE DINNER TABLE FACING A LARGE PICTURE WINDOW SO WE COULD HAVE A ROMANTIC VIEW OF EL SERENO. I’M SURE THE EL SERENO LOCALS WERE UNAWARE A WEALTHY QUEEN LIVED HIGH ABOVE THEM, LOOKING DOWN ON THE PLEBEIANS. 

SHE WAS VERY FORMAL, EVEN ON THE STIFF SIDE, BUT  SHE LIKED ME.

 I DON’T THINK SHE HAD MANY FRIENDS IN LOS ANGELES,
 BEING A THEATER DIVA FROM NYC. IT’S SUCH A DIFFERENT LIFESTYLE.

WE HAD A PLEASANT DINNER AND CHAT. 

STEPHANIE TOLD ME HER PLANS OF CREATING AN OPERA 
TO TAKE BACK TO BROADWAY. SHE WAS IN THE PROCESS OF WRITING THIS.

I SAW STEPHANIE TWO TIMES AFTER THIS.

SHE INVITED ME TO ONE OF THOSE IMPERIAL COURT BALLS WITH ALL THE OLD SCHOOL QUEENS. IT WAS SOOOOOO DATED AND TIRED. 
I WAS BORED OUTTA MY MIND.

STEPHANIE SHOWED GREAT DISPLEASURE IN MY FIDGETING ABOUT. 

SHE THOUGHT IT WAS DISRESPECTFUL..

AT ONE POINT THERE WERE THREE QUEENS DOING AN IMPROMPTU CAN-CAN DANCE. THEY WERE MOVING BACKWARDS KICKING THEIR FOSSILIZED LEGS,
 NOT ANYWHERE NEAR THE BEAT OF THE MUSIC.  UNBEKNOWNST TO THEM, 

ANOTHER QUEEN BEHIND THEM WAS KNEELING DOWN TO ADJUST HER STOCKINGS. THE THREE QUEENS COLLIDED WITH THE CROUCHING QUEEN 

AND ALL OF THEM TUMBLED TO THE LINOLEUM FLOOR.

 I WAS THE ONLY PERSON THAT LAUGHED OUT LOUD.

 STEPHANIE ACTED LIKE IT DIDN’T HAPPEN, WHICH MADE ME LAUGH EVEN MORE. FOR THE REST OF THE EVENING I COULDN’T STOP GIGGLING. WE DROVE HOME IN SILENCE. FINALLY STEPHANIE SAID,

 “I DON’T SEE WHAT’S SO FUNNY?” OF COURSE I LAUGHED EVEN HARDER.

THE NEXT WE WENT OUT I DECIDED I WOULD INVITE STEPHANIE TO SOMETHING
I LIKED- AN OBSCURE BAND FROM SLOVENIA WAS MAKING

 A RARE LOS ANGELES APPEARANCE.

I KNEW LAIBACH AS I’D SEEN THEM THE YEAR BEFORE WITH A PERFORMANCE BY MICHAEL CLARK. LEIGH BOWERY WAS THE FEATURED DANCER. 

LAIBACH WAS THE ORCHESTRA! IT WAS INCREDIBLE.

I TOLD STEPHANIE I WASN’T SURE IF THIS PERFORMANCE WOULD BE 

HER CUP OF TEA, BUT I WAS VERY MUCH EXCITED TO SEE THEM. 

SHE TOOK MY RECOMMENDATION. 

WE MET AT THE ELKS LODGE- MACARTHUR PARK. 

STEFANIE GREETED ME IN THE LOBBY RESPLENDENT IN A BLUE SEQUIN DRESS WITH SHOULDER PADS. JET-BLACK WIG AND BLOOD RED LIPS. 

SHE LOOKED LIKE  DIANE FEINSTEIN INTERFUSED WITH FRANK N-FURTER. 

I WAS IN FULL LEATHER, INCLUDING LEATHER MOTORCYCLE CAP. 

WE LOOKED GREAT TOGETHER. EVEN AT LAIBACH WE STOOD OUT.

LAIBACH OPENED WITH “LIFE IS LIFE”. 

TWO SHIRTLESS ARYAN MEN POUNDED LARGE KETTLE DRUMS IN UNISON. THEY KEPT THIS BEAT FOR THE ENTIRE SHOW. THEN THE HORNS CAME CRASHING IN. BRIGHT WHITE, KLIEG LIGHTS DIRECTED AT THE AUDIENCE-
LIKE A TOTALITARIAN AIR RAID. LEAD SINGER DEJAN KNEZ WITH HIS 

DEADPAN VOICE COMMANDED THE ROOM WITH FASCISTIC FETISHIM. 

THE SOUND WAS DEAFENING. 

ONE OF THOSE CONCERTS THAT WOULD DESTROY YOUR EARDRUMS.

I WAS SO ENGROSSED IN THE PERFORMANCE I DIDN’T NOTICE STEPHANIE
HAD LEFT. AFTER THE SHOW I FOUND STEPHANIE WAITING IN THE LOBBY. 

“IT WAS TOO LOUD,” SHE SAID, 

BUT I LOVED THE STAGING AND LIGHTING. CAN YOU PUT ME IN TOUCH WITH THEM? I WANT TO HIRE THEIR LIGHTING DESIGNER."

I TOLD HER I HAD NO CONNECTION WITH THE PRODUCTION. 

SHE WAS OUTWARDLY DISAPPOINTED. I WALKED STEPHANIE TO HER CAR, 

(IT WAS A BAD AREA) AND WE SAID OUR GOOD-BYES.

I NEVER SAW STEPHANIE AGAIN. I HAVE NO IDEA IF SHE COMPLETED HER OPERA.

DURING  2003, MUSIC MOGUL PHIL SPECTOR WAS ARRESTED FOR MURDERING LANA CLARKSON AT HIS MANSION- THE PYRENESS CASTLE IN ALHAMBRA. 

RIGHT NEXT TO EL SERENO.

THIS REMINDED ME OF STEPHANIE. 

NOT THAT I THINK SHE’S A MURDERESS, BECAUSE I DON’T. 

IT MADE ME THINK OF THE ILLUSION OF GRANDEUR AND ISOLATION 

SHE MUST HAVE LIVING HIGH ATOP THE BARREN HILLSIDE OF EL SERENO.

 LOOKING OUT HER GLASS HOUSE AND CONTEMPLATING THE WORLD.

COPYRIGHT- 6/2017- RICK CASTRO